A wee grizzle

This is not the subject of this post, but as an aside.. they say 'wee' quite a lot over here. Nearly as much as in Scotland and much more than in England. Adam says it because he's from Dunedin which is a Scottish place, historically. But I've heard others say it too. I'm not sure if maybe they're from that area too, or it's a country-wide thing. But it sounds kind of strange in a nice way to me! I've started to say it often as well :o)

Today I had a wee grizzle. Or little cry if you don't speak Scottish :o)

My last post was VERY long and so I was sat here at my desk for along time and every time I paused I looked at my photo board with all the pics from home on it... and I just got really sad and missed everyone. What I miss most I think is just being around people who know me inside out. Adam is getting to know me quite well, but in the 11 or so weeks we have known each other you just can't know someone completely. I really, really miss chatting to people who know me properly. And I miss Alfie. And I miss seeing Fleur's pregnant tummy and feeling the kicks. And I miss my family and all my friends. I miss London!!! Even in the rain and cold, I miss that wonderful amazing city.

I think I miss everything even more with the thought of coming back here for another year. If I just had a couple of months to go then a month in south america it wouldn't be so bad, but I really think I'll come back here unless things go wrong with Adam before then. I'm not sure I even want to. I don't really... I mean, I love it here but I love everything at home more. And I want to be an aunty!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It breaks my heart to think I'll miss the first year of my niece or nephew. And I miss my cat so much. I wouldn't even dream of coming back here if it weren't for Adam and some days it just seems like such a monumental sacrifice I'm thinking of making.

I wouldn't tell him that. It's not fair. It's not his fault and there's nothing he can do to help really. It's my choice, and I want to be with him because I'm falling in love. But my god, some days the only thing I wish for in the world is that he would come back to London with me.

:o(

xxx